Choosing Connection Over Perfection
First-day-of-school pictures are a tradition around our house. Every year since I can remember, I’ve put my children in oversized T-shirts printed with their graduation year and a little cap decal. And every year, those shirts seem to shrink as my kids grow. Oh, how quickly the time flies.
It’s hard to believe this year marks our eleventh year of homeschooling — and boy, has it been a journey.
Every year, I tell myself I’m not going to spend hours researching the perfect curriculum… and every year I fail. There’s a certain kind of pressure only homeschool parents understand. We’re not just mama — we’re teacher, coach, counselor, and curriculum advisor all rolled into one.
We all have our favorites — our tried-and-true staples — but boxed curriculum has never worked for our family. I’ve always had to piece ours together. The curriculum that worked beautifully for my son rarely works for my daughter. God gave me kids with two totally different learning styles, two totally different sets of strengths and weaknesses. Maybe that’s His little way of keeping me humble.
For years, I tried teaching my daughter the way I learned, the way her brother learned. It never worked. She was diagnosed with dyslexia and ADHD at a young age, and though not officially diagnosed, I believe she struggles with dyscalculia as well. Choosing curriculum that works best for her has always required extra prayer, research, and creativity. This year, as she enters high school, the pressure is at an all-time high. I’ve revamped nearly everything to fit her visual learning style. Now I’m down to researching the two subjects that intimidate me the most — algebra and chemistry.
After weeks of being knee-deep in curriculum research and feeling the pressure of the coming year, I stumbled upon a sweet little clipboard lying on my daughter’s bed. It stopped me in my tracks.
Right there at the top of her goals for the year — quiet time.
That’s what we call our time with the Lord.
And at the bottom, her scriptures.
Yes, I noticed Ephesians is spelled wrong, but that wasn’t the point. The Lord was showing me that He’s got my girl. He’s working in her heart in ways no curriculum ever could.
A friend sat me down when I first started this journey and reminded me to value the relationship more than the grades. I can’t say I’ve always done that perfectly. In fact, more times than not, I’ve failed. But that advice has stayed tucked in the back of my mind, and I often come back to it — especially on the days when the math tears fall — both mine and hers.
I’ve learned a lot over my years of homeschooling.
Number one, I’m not in control — God is.
Number two, teaching my child is about so much more than anything they could ever learn from a textbook. I get the privilege of teaching them about Jesus and character.
It’s a season to build a relationship with them — one that will last far beyond their senior year. It’s my job to steward the gift of motherhood well and then leave the outcome to God.
As you step into a brand-new school year — whether your babies are homeschooled, in private school, or public school — let me pass along the same wisdom a dear friend shared with me all those years ago.
Your relationship with your child matters more than any grade ever will.
I’m not saying don’t hold them accountable. I’m saying ask God what gifts He’s placed in your child.
As for my daughter, we both know she has no intention of being a math or science major. Her heart, her giftings, and her anointings all point to music and writing. I could buck the system and pressure her until she breaks… or I can recognize that God has already placed in her every gift she needs to accomplish what He’s called her to do. I can nurture it. I can call it out in her. I can remind her that a grade doesn’t define her — but her heart and her character do.
The smaller those graduation shirts get, the more I’m reminded of how quickly time flies. Before you know it, these years will be but a faint memory. So steward your time well. Focus on what really matters.
And this year, Mama, as you plan, prepare, and pray over those babies, remember that God loves them even more than you do.
Give yourself grace.
Remember, the most important lessons you’ll ever teach won’t come from a textbook — they’ll come from the prayers, the talks, the apologies, the moments you choose connection over perfection.
Because at the end of the day, who really remembers quadratic equations anyway?
It’s the talks, the prayers, and the quiet moments in between that are really shaping their legacy.
