The Heart of a blackbelt
It’s been said that kids are our greatest spiritual sandpaper. I don’t know who said it first, but I say it often. Some days my kids feel like the coarse kind — the kind that could strip paint off a barn door. But every now and then, God uses them to refine me with a gentler touch. Yesterday was one of those days.
In just a few months, my son will test for his second‑degree black belt in Taekwondo. He’s been training for four years. As part of that training, he’s had to spar people several belts above him — and even fight two black belts at once. When he first started doing two‑on‑one sparring, I had to turn my head. I didn’t want to see my baby get hurt. But over time, he got good. Really good. Eventually, I stopped turning my head, and I began to see a really good fighter start to emerge. In fact, there were many times I chimed in to remind him, “Not so hard, son,” because I felt bad for his opponent.
I began to understand why his instructor pushed him that way. He wasn’t just teaching him to fight — he was building confidence and preparing him for real‑life situations. And through it all, his instructor repeated the same phrase: “A true black belt is in the heart. Anyone can fight. It takes a true black belt to walk away.”
Yesterday, that lesson came to life.
At the trampoline park, an eighteen‑year‑old boy tried to pick a fight with my fifteen‑year‑old son. He cursed at him, threatened him, and even said he’d fight my son’s friend, too. My son didn’t engage. He walked over to me and said, “I don’t want to fight, Mom.”
The boy followed him, still cursing, completely unfazed by the presence of adults. Everything in me wanted to step in — but I waited. That right there was a miracle in itself.
My son could have taken him out. I’ve seen him spar opponents twice this kid’s size. But even though he had the ability to fight, he chose to walk away.
2 Timothy 2:22–24 says, “Flee the evil desires of youth and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace… Don’t have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments… The Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but must be kind to everyone.”
When we got in the car, my younger, slightly less sanctified daughter said, “Bub, I would’ve told him I was a second‑degree black belt and kicked him.” I won’t elaborate on exactly where she said she’d kick him, but like I said — slightly less sanctified.
My son’s response was priceless. “That’s not how true black belts act,” he said. Then he asked her, “What do you think is harder — walking away or fighting?” He was so right. It’s often much harder to walk away than to fight. My son chose the low road of humility, which is always the high road in the kingdom.
A black belt isn’t earned overnight. It takes discipline, training, and character. A black belt isn’t just about winning fights; it’s about the heart. My son has repeated the tenets of Taekwondo so many times that even I know them by heart: courtesy, integrity, perseverance, self‑control, and indomitable spirit. These tenets are the heart of a black belt — and they should be the fruit of a Christian.
Just like I didn’t understand why his instructor made him fight two opponents at once, we often don’t understand the pruning seasons God uses to train us. Sometimes the pruning is painful. Sometimes it doesn’t make sense. But it’s always necessary. God is preparing us to be spiritual black belts. He’s teaching us the tools we need to fight — and giving us the wisdom and discernment to know when not to.
There will be moments when we have to walk away from fights we know we could win. It’s not easy to walk away from a fight that you know you can win. It requires self-control and discipline. It involves a healthy dose of humility. But be encouraged — it’s all part of our spiritual training.
Yesterday, my son was my spiritual sandpaper — a reminder that God uses our kids to shape us just as much as we shape them. He reminded me that a black belt shouldn’t look like the world — and neither should a Christian. John 17:16 tells us that although we are in the world, we are not of it.
We prayed for the boy on the way home. Because most of the time, when people mistreat us, it has very little to do with us — and everything to do with what they’re going through.
My son said he thought his instructor would be proud of him. I definitely agree. His instructor is a Christian. Not only does he have his class recite the tenets of Taekwondo as part of their class schedule, but also the Lord’s Prayer. He knows that as much as my son needs the heart of a black belt, he needs the heart of our Heavenly Father even more.
As we all continue on this path of spiritual training and growth, may we develop not only the heart of a black belt — but the heart of our Father as well. Because in the end, that’s the real victory.
